


The Case of the Burgled Bra

by Lysandra31



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 07:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lysandra31/pseuds/Lysandra31
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A stolen bra, a couple of FBI agents, and the turn of the century.<br/>This was a sort-of improv for Scullyfic, back in the day, aka late 1999.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Case of the Burgled Bra

Title: The Case of the Burgled Bra  
Author: Lysandra  
Distribution: Please do not archive. Thanks.  
Spoilers: None  
Rating: PG-13  
Classification: SH, vague MSR  
Disclaimer: “The X-Files” and these characters are owned by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox. I do not profit from this odd little hobby and promise to give them back when I’m done. I’m sure that I am slandering Frederick’s of Hollywood and Lloyd’s of London in some way, but it couldn’t be helped. And the website mentioned in the body of the story is as phony as a three dollar bill.  
Summary: A stolen bra, a couple of FBI agents, and the turn of the century. Sort of.  
Thanks: To Shannon and Brandon, who laughed and gave me a few tips!

Notes: This fic stemmed from a Scullyfic game in which we were to write a fic based on the following:  
It's the Millennium Bra. Some German designer wove it out of solid gold thread and stuck a 15 carat rock on the front. They say the bra weighs nearly a pound, which is eight times heavier and more chafing than a normal bra. Worth a cool $1.9 million. Seems it's up and disappeared from a display case in Tokyo and word on the street is that one of those characters from the X-Files has it. My boss sent me to get your thoughts on the case. Told me to have you write her a very brief story or case report telling her who you think took the bra and why.

 

The Case of the Burgled Bra  
by Lysandra

August 25, 1999  
AP - Tokyo  
They're calling it the Bra of the Century, and now it's gone missing. The Millennium bra, a one-of-a-kind gold brocade brassiere crafted by German designer Wolfgang Conrad Kurtzweil, is a size 34B and includes a 15-carat diamond sewn into the front of the garment. The bra, which was commissioned by Frederick's of Hollywood of Tokyo, has now been reported stolen by Frederick himself, of Hollywood and Tokyo, who has filed an insurance claim with Lloyd's of London of Tokyo. The underwriting of the underwires may cost Lloyd himself (of London, mostly, though he tends to vacation in Nice and Cannes quite a little bit) to shell out $1.9 million for the missing item. There are no suspects, but the Tokyo Police Department, working with Interpol and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, are following up on leads, and are hopeful that the culprit will be apprehended shortly.

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September 3, 1999  
AP - Washington, DC

In a bizarre twist, an FBI agent has been arrested for the theft of the Millennium Bra. Made from gold thread and worth nearly $2 million, the bra was recovered in the early hours yesterday morning, in the home of one of the FBI agents assigned to find the garment, and on the person of the agent's partner, also working on the case. Special Agent Dana Scully, 35, is awaiting arraignment for grand theft, and her partner, Special Agent Fox Mulder, 37, while not technically a suspect, has been held for questioning. Sources say that at the time of the arrest, the agents were involved in "a romantic situation" and Ms. Scully was wearing the bra. An FBI spokesperson would not comment on the case, citing an ongoing internal investigation into the matter.

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September 5, 1999  
AP - Washington, DC

"The Case of the Burgled Bra" continues, with more twists than a mountain road. Dana Scully, one of the FBI agents who was supposedly working on finding the Millennium Bra, has been charged with stealing the lacy lingerie and impeding a federal investigation. She has not commented publicly, though a source close to her has quoted her as saying: "I'd do it again in a second." She remains in custody. Her FBI partner, Fox Mulder, who was with Ms. Scully at the time of her arrest, has been in hiding, though he has been to visit Ms. Scully under supervision. Without Ms. Scully and Mr. Mulder's cooperation, the authorities have been hard-pressed to come up with a motive for the crime, and the investigation continues.

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September 8, 1999  
AP - Washington, DC

The Millennium Bra, which was stolen from Frederick's of Hollywood of Tokyo in August, has been safely returned to Frederick of Hollywood, who is actually in Venice at the moment. Dana Scully, an FBI agent charged with the theft of the bejeweled brassiere, has steadfastly refused to talk to authorities or legal counsel. The bra was reportedly found in Ms. Scully's possession on September 2nd, in the apartment of her FBI partner and alleged lover, Special Agent Fox Mulder. Sources say that the two were found 'in flagrante delicto' and that Ms. Scully was wearing the bra and little else at the time of her arrest. Frederick has made a statement saying this: "From my short interaction with Ms. Scully, I'm sure the bra looked fabulous on her; nevertheless, we are gratified to have it back in its display case rather than on the 'FBI's Most Wanted Undergarments' list." The investigation into the Mysterious Case of the Missing Millennium Bra is ongoing, however, and Ms. Scully remains in custody.

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September 12, 1999  
AP - Washington, DC

Finally, the case of the $1.9 million dollar bra stolen from Frederick's of Hollywood of Tokyo nearly three weeks ago has been solved, at least to the satisfaction of Frederick himself, who has dropped all charges against Special Agent Dana Scully of the FBI. She had been arrested for the theft of the Millennium Bra after she was caught wearing it in an apparent tryst with her partner, Special Agent Fox Mulder. How she managed to steal the bra, or have it stolen, is still unclear; however, Frederick, vacationing in Milan, has released this statement: "Ms. Scully has explained her motives to me and I have dropped the charges, since no harm came to the bra. Besides, the publicity has been as golden as the silk that was spun especially for us to craft the magnificent garment. And Ms. Scully is charming." 

The bra has been bought by an anonymous person and will be shipped after Frederick and his staff have finalized a new ad campaign, which will, amazingly enough, feature Ms. Scully. The FBI has approved the campaign and though their spokesperson will not comment, an inside source says this about the deal: "It's not something they'd usually do, but some of the higher-ups figured they'd never get to see Agent Scully this way otherwise. Besides, the FBI can use this in their recruitment campaigns. You know, glam it up a bit." Agent Scully still has made no public statement, but has been seen at her local gym working out, concentrating on her upper body.

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October 16, 1999  
AP - New York

The lingerie industry has been stunned by the overwhelming success of the Millennium Bra. Rushing orders of the golden-threaded garments to stores across the country, Frederick's of Hollywood credits free publicity and an amazingly fortuitous ad campaign to their brisk sales. "That, and the fact that this is a really great bra," says Frederick of Hollywood. Of course, the original Millennium Bra is worth nearly $2 million, while the company's cheaper version is being snapped up by the public for a mere $36.99 plus tax. "They may not have a 15-carat jewel, but they make women's breasts look fabulous," Frederick says. He cites the luscious breasts of Special Agent Dana Scully of the FBI, who apparently stole the original bejeweled garment, somehow persuaded Frederick to drop charges against her, and managed to become the star of the bra's print ad campaign, all in the space of a month. An FBI spokesperson says that since the ads featuring Agent Scully hit the street, inquiries to their employment hotline and website have nearly tripled.

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October 28, 1999  
AP - Washington, DC

"The Case of the Burgled Bra," though technically closed, has become somewhat of a new media phenomenon. For those of you living under a rock, let us recap the events up to this point: 

Frederick's of Hollywood commissioned a "Millennium Bra," worth $1.9 million, to be showcased in their museums around the world. The bra, made of spun gold and featuring a 15-carat jewel between its cups, was stolen from a display case in the Frederick's of Hollywood of Tokyo. The culprit turned out to be one Dana Katherine Scully, an FBI agent who was actually hired to find the missing garment. Ms. Scully apparently stole the bra, and was caught wearing the expensive lingerie during a tryst with her FBI partner, Fox Mulder. In an amazing turn of events, she allegedly admitted to stealing the bra yet Frederick not only dropped the charges, but he hired Ms. Scully to model the bra in the company's print ads, and the publicity has resulted in a windfall of Millennium Bra sales and an interest in the FBI by career-minded individuals of both sexes.

For her part, Special Agent Scully has never spoken of the incident; however, the internet has recently been awash with rumors and innuendo about Ms. Scully and her supposed reasons for burgling the Millennium Bra. There is even an unofficial website devoted to the FBI's Most Wanted Lingerie Model, at http://www.danaisfoxy.com. In a recent internet chat, many people claimed knowledge of the mysterious agent's motive, although none would be quoted under their real names. Here is an excerpt:

Hickey69: ...no, the surveillance camera clearly showed the ex.  
Hickey69: In a bra which she took off.  
Luderman: What was the date?  
Hickey69: Just before you ended up in the rubber room.  
Luderman: When did Red see this?  
Hickey69: Mid-August, why?  
Luderman: What did she say when she saw it?  
Hickey69: "That bitch."  
Luderman: Did not.  
Hickey69: Did so.  
Luderman: Then what?  
Hickey69: Then she went home, and on the surveillance equipment in *her* place we heard her making plans.  
Luderman: Spill.  
Hickey69: Geez, OK... she was talking to a friend, a female personal friend, from what I could gather.  
Hickey69: And she started ranting and raving about the ex.  
Luderman: Ranting and raving how? She rarely rants.  
Hickey69: "If she thinks he's ever going to touch her tits again she's got another thing coming."  
Luderman: Liar.  
Hickey69: Swear.  
Hickey69: And this -- "I'll show him tits. I've got million-dollar tits."  
Luderman: She did NOT say that. You're fucking lying, MF.  
Hickey69: Swear.  
Hickey69: And now she really does, doesn't she?  
Luderman: She always has.  
Hickey69: But now you've seen them, haven't you?  
Luderman: Not that I'm one to kiss and tell, but technically, no.  
Hickey69: What do you mean, NO???  
Luderman: We left the bra on the whole time.

What does all this mean? It's still unclear, except perhaps to those involved, and none of them are speaking. There are a few scenarios floating across cyberspace, but the most-mentioned theory goes something like this: Ms. Scully, possibly jealous over her partner's relationship with his former partner, decided to steal the Millennium Bra to impress him. The plan apparently worked, since the two were indeed found in a romantic situation. Who tipped off the police is anyone's guess, though rumor has it that Mr. Mulder's former partner, Special Agent Diana Fowley, had access to the alleged surveillance of Mr. Mulder's home. In any case, Special Agent Dana Scully has apparently completed her turn as a supermodel, and is back at work full-time for the FBI, still working side-by-side with Special Agent Fox Mulder, and now sporting what looks suspiciously like an engagement ring.

** END **

Feedback welcome: Lysandra@socal.rr.com / Lysandra31@aol.com


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